BBAS’s Ad in Adoptive Families.

    In December 2004 BBAS ran this half-page ad in Adoptive Families, a more ambitious version of what they had previously been running, full-color instead of sepia tone, and with an actual family instead of a Guatemalan infant. And some real copy.

    Unfortunately it was a distinct drop in quality from the earlier ad, which was fairly effective. (If you can’t see it, go here)

    Just take this in for a moment.

    Even if you have never worked in advertising, how many things can you find wrong with this ad? How many signs are there that Denise tried to do it all herself, as usual? Seems like now she thinks she can be an adwoman too, on top of businesswoman, doctor, Realtor, photographer and everything else she fancies herself. But, as usual, she’s only competent when she’s being malfeasant.

    And how much else can you find buried in the text? Let’s do a line-by-line, element-by-element critique.

    First, the photo. You can probably tell these aren’t professional models. In fact, if you go to BBAS’s website, under “Our Staff,” you’ll see it’s none other than ... one of their newest employees, Jennifer Whitney, “Support Staff and Postplacement Coordinator” (i.e. another person to fetch coffee and doughnuts for Frau Direktor if past patterns hold). Right below the woman now truthfully identified as Kelly Carter-Director’s-Sister-in-Law and Attorney Extraordinaire.

    See? She’s even wearing the same top! Must have been a great shoot! (Wonder if Denise bought that for her, too)

    (Apparently all this snark got to her husband ten months after this page was originally posted, conveniently right after we’d singlehandedly ruined Rick Marco’s chances of ever getting elected to anything. You can read his efforts to try and make us feel small, and our response, here. Never mind, of course, that this page isn’t about insulting them).

    Of course, nothing wrong with getting your own employees to double as models. Saves a bundle on advertising costs.

    Next, the hed.

    “Could you be the loving parent a child has been waiting for?”

    And could you be any less inventive than to work the name of your favorite social workers’ agency into your ad? How lazy.

    “Adopting a child can seem overwhelming.”

    No, Denise, it is overwhelming. Hardly the best line to begin your sales pitch with.

    “It’s a huge, life-changing decision.”

    It tells you a lot about the sort of clients Denise is trying to reach that she starts off by telling them the obvious not once but twice. Way to reassure them, girl!

    “But we’ve never met a family that wouldn’t do it all again.”

    BWAAAHAHAA! BWAAHAAHAAA! Perhaps we should put together an ad for this website and see if Adoptive Families would have the balls to run it. Probably not.

    “All of us that have adopted know the process is temporary ...”

    This is where Denise’s dysfunctional relationship with the English language begins to rear its muddled head. She was at least smart enough to spell-check this text, but she still didn’t find her grammar checker.  First the awkward phrasing of “all of us that have adopted,” then “the process is temporary.”

    What, exactly, does that mean? That if you wait long enough, there won’t be a process anymore?

    She either means the wait here, or someone with a thesaurus or at least a clue as to how to use it could have guided her to something like transitory or ephemeral. Or she could have started over from scratch. We can see what she’s trying to get at here, but the reason professional ad copywriters are required to have a good knowledge of how to communicate in English is because “seeing what you’re trying to get at” gets killed in the marketplace when it goes up against “unambiguous; needs no explanation.”

    Also, note the signature discreetly bullying tone of “all of us that have adopted” ... in other words, if you’re upset by the wait, obviously the problem is with you, not us.

    “ ... but the rewards of parenting one of these children lasts forever!”

    Now she loses control. She forgets that verbs and nouns have to agree.

    And the exclamation point sounds a little breathless and desperate ... as Denise has to be by this point.

    Also, “the rewards of these children.” Don’t the rewards of parenting any child last forever? What about, say, her own three biological children? Is parenting them just some tedious duty by comparison? How do they feel about this implication?

    Or is she giving something away with that pronoun? We all know what people usually mean what they say “these children,” don’t we?

    Consider this in light of what she says next, in larger type.

    “Don’t let questions or concerns keep you from the joy and love of one of these children. Call Now!”

    All it needs is “Operators are standing by!” Even Dan Aykroyd’s most manic SNL pitchmen don’t sound this desperate.

    And just what “questions or concerns” are we talking about? The ones raised by the Cases and their website, perhaps?

    We really can’t imagine any potential adoptive parent being dragged in by this ad. In fact, we can imagine most of them just turning the page.

    But, if Denise wants to waste $8,000, obviously that’s her prerogative.