George W. Bush Meets Christopher Columbus   Dear Friends: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee to raise $5,000,000 for a monument to George W. Bush. The committee originally wanted to put him on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for two more faces. We then decided to erect a statue of George in the Washington, DC, Hall of Fame. We were in a quandary as to where the statue should be placed. It was not proper to place it beside the statue of George Washington, who never told a lie, or beside Richard Nixon, who never told the truth, since George could never tell the difference. We finally decided to place it beside Christopher Columbus, the greatest Republican of them all. He left not knowing where he was going, and when he got there he did not know where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, decimated the well-being of the majority of the population while he was there, and did it all on someone else's money. Thank you, George W. Bush Monument Committee   P.S. We have raised $2.75 so far   Christopher Columbus to George Bush: 'If I Knew What You Would Do to America and the World, I Would Have Kept My Discovery a Secret'   "Autumn is a beautiful time of year. At the White House, squirrels are rounding up nuts on the lawn, which is more than the Secret Service is doing."   David Letterman 10-12-2014