|Odds 'n' Ends
IF YOU'VE EVER WORKED ON A SHIP...
Missing Ship Life? Always Remember:
In the real world...
In the real world, you don't have to be back one hour before your house starts moving.
In the real world, if you vomit, people will not treat you as though you have just released the Ebola virus into widespread circulation. Neither will small men in outbreak suits appear to hose down your house. Nor will you have to spend 72 hours locked in your bedroom watching a parade of dreary Meg Ryan films.
In the real world, Bingo is a game for old people, and the rules do not stipulate that only Filippinos can win.
In the real world, when people ask you how you are, you do not have to be "Excellent". You could be "Not bad", "Hungover", "Bloody awful" or dispense with words completely and resort to hand gestures.
In the real world, there are more than three episodes of The Simpsons.
In the real world, there is no need, on a weekly basis, to simulate how you would respond if your house was on fire (my advice is to get out). Neither do you have to stand outside for 30 minutes in all weather conditions wearing an oversized, luminous orange puffy jacket.
In the real world, you will not get 20% discount at all shops. That said, the shops will stock items which are useful to you.-
In the real world, skinless grilled chicken, fetuccini alfredo and New York cheesecake are not always available.
In the real world, you can have a fight in the pub and not be sacked the moment you turn up for work the next day.
In the real world, people work for five days and then have two days off. They do not go to work one morning and return home six months later (what sort of demented idea is that?)
In the real world, you can sit on the toilet and flush it without the concern that your intestines may be sucked out and dragged down to an unknown destination several floors below.
In the real world, flu jabs are not a requirement therefore you do not need to pretend to be allergic to eggs to avoid them
In the real world, relationships can work....
In the real world you can get as drunk as you like. You will not be breathalysed during the night to ensure you are capable of dealing with any nocturnal emergencies (eg. your house sinking or the helicopter evacuation of an overweight American from your roof.)
In the real world it is possible to do things discretely.
In the real world your key is made of metal and is cool when it gets magnetised.
In the real world your life is controlled by your partner not by a guy who calls himself the Master and speaks with a odd italian/norwegian/dutch accent!!! Ship Life?
How do cruise ships float?
I do not understand how a boat can float. How can giant things made of steel weighing thousands of tons float? If you were to melt it all into a big cube of steel it would definitely sink. How can the water tell the difference in the shape between a boat shape and a cube shape?
The standard definition of floating was first recorded by Archimedes and goes something like this:
"an object in a fluid experiences an upward force equal to the weight of the fluid displaced by the object."
So if a boat weighs 1,000 pounds (or kilograms), it will sink into the water until it has displaced 1,000 pounds (or kilograms) of water. Provided that the boat displaces 1,000 pounds of water before the whole thing is submerged, the boat floats.
It is not very hard to shape a boat in such a way that the weight of the boat has been displaced before the boat is completely underwater. The reason it is so easy is that a good portion of the interior of any boat is air (unlike a cube of steel, which is solid steel throughout). The average density of a boat -- the combination of the steel and the air -- is very light compared to the average density of water. So very little of the boat actually has to submerge into the water before it has displaced the weight of the boat.
The next question to ask involves floating itself. How do the water molecules know when 1,000 pounds of them have gotten out of the way? It turns out that the actual act of floating has to do with pressure rather than weight. If you take a column of water one inch square and a foot tall, it weighs about 0.44 pounds depending on the temperature of the water (If you take a column of water one cm square by a meter tall, it weights about 100 grams). That means that a foot-high column of water exerts 0.44 PSI (Pounds per Square Inch). Similarly a meter high column of water exerts 9,800 Pascals.
If you were to submerge a box with a pressure gauge attached into water, then the pressure gauge would measure the pressure of the water at the submerged depth:
If you submerged the box into the water one foot, the gauge would read 0.44 PSI (if you submerged it one meter, it would read 9,800 Pa). What this means is that the bottom of the box has an upward force being applied to it by that pressure. So if the box is one foot square and it is submerged one foot, the bottom of the box is being pushed up by a water pressure of 12 inches * 12 inches * 0.44 PSI = 62 pounds (if the box is one meter square and submerged one meter deep, the upward force is 9,800 Newtons). This just happens to exactly equal the weight of the cubic foot or cubic meter of water that is displaced!
It is this upward water pressure pushing on the bottom of the boat that is causing the boat to float. Each square inch (or square centimeter) of the boat that is underwater has water pressure pushing it upward, and this combined pressure floats the boat.
© 1998 BYG Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.
during a typical 7-day cruise of 1500 passengers
Don't miss the Low Calorie selection at the buffet
ASSORTED COLDCUTS AND CHEESES
FRESHLY BAKED ROLLS
Three Bean Tuna Niçoise
Apple Celeriac ~ Bacon Potato
Noordam Salad Bowl
ON THE DISPLAY
Seared Mahi Mahi with Tropical Fruit Salsa
Pork Chop with Mushroom & Tomato Sauce
Mandarin Chop Suey, Braised Lamb Shanks in Red Wine Sauce
Cheese Manicotti, Tomato Sauce
OUR CARVING DISH
VEGETABLES AND STARCHES
Red Cabbage ~ Mashed Potatoes ~ Steamed Rice ~ French Fries
Yellow and Green Zucchini ~ Chinese Cabbage with Baconbits, Potato Gnochhi
or see Frank in the Ice Cream Parlor & create your own sundae.
Make your choice from the Pastry Mill
OUTSIDE BY THE BARBECUE:
Hamburgers and Cheeseburgers
|Published Thursday, January 27,
the Miami Herald:
I ate so much on my cruise they used me for the anchorby Dave Barry
I am a hearty seafaring type of individual, so recently I spent a week faring around the sea aboard the largest cruise ship in the world that has not yet hit an iceberg. It is called the Voyager, and it weighs 140,000 tons, which is approximately the amount I ate in desserts alone.
The Voyager sails out of Miami every week carrying 3,200
determined to relax or die trying. The ship has (I am not making any of
this up) an ice-skating rink, a large theater, a shopping mall, a
wall and a nine-hole miniature golf course. We have come a long way
from the days when the Pilgrims crossed the Atlantic aboard the
which -- hard as it is to
While aboard the ship, we passengers engaged in a wide range
cruise-ship activities, including eating breakfast, snacking, eating
drinking complex rum-based beverages while lying on deck
solar radiation until we glowed like exit signs, snacking some
eating dinner, eating more snacks and passing out face-down in
pate section of the midnight buffet. Needless to say I did not attempt
to climb the rock wall, which is good because
CRUISE SHIP EVACUATED AS MAN FALLS, EXPLODES;
The only stressful part of our shipboard routine was looking
of ourselves. When you're on a cruise, photographers constantly pop up
and take pictures of you; they put these on display in hopes that
buy them as souvenirs. At night, my wife and I would join the throng of
passengers looking through the photos, hoping to find a nice flattering
shot of ourselves, and then
When every passenger had attained roughly the same body weight as a Buick Riviera, the ship would stop at a Caribbean island, and the passengers would waddle ashore to experience the traditional local culture, by which I mean shop for European jewelry and watches. I frankly don't know why it makes economic sense for a tourist from Montana to fly to Miami, get on a ship and sail to Jamaica for the purpose of purchasing a watch made in Switzerland, but apparently it does, because shopping is very important to cruise passengers. If these people ever get to Mars, they WILL expect to find jewelry stores.
The other thing you do when your ship is in port is take guided tours to Local Points of Interest. Under international law, every tour group must include one tourist who has the IQ of sod. In Jamaica, we toured a plantation, and our group included a woman whose brain operated on some kind of tape delay, as we see from this typical exchange between her and our guide:
GUIDE: These are banana plants, which produce bananas. You can see the bananas growing on these banana plants.
WOMAN:(in a loud voice): What kind of plants are these?
WOMAN: Huh! (To her husband:) Frank, these are banana plants!
The woman repeated virtually everything the guide said to Frank. One day he will kill her with a kitchen appliance.
But I am proud to say that winner of the award for Biggest
was: me. What happened was, during the tour, a man demonstrated how he
could climb a coconut tree using only a small rope made from twisted
fibers. When he came down, he showed me the rope, and I, out of
pretended to be interested in it, although in fact it was, basically, a
rope. The man handed it to me and suggested I might want to ``take it
to the kids.'' I frankly doubted that any modern Nintendo-raised
child would be thrilled by such a gift (``Look, Timmy! A rope!''). But
I pretended to be grateful. Then the man told me that such ropes
sell for $15 (he did not say where), but he would let it go for $10.
so, unable to figure out how to escape, I gave him $10. I imagine the
plantation workers laughed far into the night when he told them. (``He
But don't get me wrong: I truly enjoyed the cruise. It was fun and relaxing, and it gave me a rare chance, amid all the hustle and bustle of my busy life, to pick up a substantial amount of body mass. Cruising is also romantic, so let me just say this to you couples out there: If you're looking for a way to rekindle the flame in your relationship, I'll sell you my rope.
© 1996-2012 Candy Brock