Date: Wed,
29 Aug 2001 04:40:27 -0700
From:
Subject: Learning the ropes the hard way! (long)
Dear Listmates,
Over the months many of you have become familiar with parts of my story.
Although I have not had my court date which is planned for September, I
feel like the end is in site and that it is safe to post my story thus
far.
I have just
returned from Russia, and had the very best (and worst) time imaginable!!
I will post the "best" of times as soon as possible, as I am
already getting ready for my return trip....oh yes....and catching up at
work...lol !!
Even though I had seen posted many times NEVER to fall in love with a
picture..... I searched the photolistings. I began last
November. When I first saw my daughter's face on the internet my heart
leapt. Her agency , however, had problems in their area and after a
couple months of watching her video and having her face greet me each day
on my computer screen.... I was forced to abandon this agency, as they
were no longer allowed to work in this area.
I went to a second
"accredited" agency, this time my criteria was their fair
prices. After watching videos and paying for medicals at the
University, finally, finding a child that I felt was right....The Director
of this agency was investigated for "selling children" and
embezzlement! Again, I was forced to abandon this agency, and that
child....All the while, I kept my first daughter's picture on my desk at
work, I prayed for her, and sent her my love.
With both of these
agencies, I lost only the registration fee. Which I believe was $100
or $200 dollars each. Since it is illegal by Russian Law to show
photos of Russian Children on the Internet... I decided that I would
pay registration fees , that allowed me to become a client of the agencies
that did have photos of Russian children available, and, as a client,
watch videos until I found another that made my heart leap. This
time my criteria
was the "right" child...
On Valentine's day
I had another such experience. This was with a very reputable accredited
agency, that turned out to be far more expensive that their Internet site
would lead one to believe, as they had out of pocket costs not listed that
were generally included in other agencies "foreign fees".
Nearly doubling the cost for the two children I wanted to find.
But, my heart still
ached with the loss of the first "daughter" and I was a little
more emotionally reserved with this daughter and this agency. I went
along each step of the way with them. However, I posted my outrage of
their fees on the Internet, only to find that they monitor these lists.
They, like many other agencies monitor as lurkers (stealth members of the
lists).
Even though I did
not mention their name, nor even use my real name on the list...they
recognized themselves in my post and confronted me. I was unwilling
to give up this second child that had made my heart leap, so I very
agreeably went along each step.
From the beginning
they knew I wanted 2 children. Even though I found out that their
facilitator in Russia was the Asst. Director of this daughters
orphanage.....for 5 months they continued to tell me they did not have a
second referral for me. For five months, they continually sent my
paperwork back for rewrites additions and corrections. They did
this, until the referral and provisional hold on this daughter expired.
This was
now June.
In May..... I had a
friend traveling to the region that my first daughter was in. I was
not hopeful, as I had come to find out that there were some 30 or 40
orphanages in her region.
When my friend arrived with his attorney, the picture of my daughter was
shown and in 5 minutes she was standing in front of him. Both he and
the attorney raved at her
personality, health, attitude, talent and intelligence. I
immediately made a commitment to get her. At his time, it was my
intention to travel to the other region for the second daughter, as I had
come this far with the third agency.
However, in June, when I realized the hold had expired with that daughter,
I was disillusioned and fed up with the third agency. I relinquished
my connection with them and the ability to get the child on their website
that I had clung to with such tenacity. At his point I lost all but
the $100 registration fee, which was now $3500.00 !! Totaling losses
of more than $4000.00 total.
I pursued the
adoption of my first daughter now found again!! I spoke to my
friends attorney and sent in the required fees for the completed adoption
of 2 Russian children to her. One was my first daughter, the second
to be found once I arrived in the region. This time I foolishly paid
all fees in advance! $9000.00! plus, $614 in travel expenses for
her.
Meanwhile, my
original daughter's original agency was now back in the good graces in her
region and was once again bringing children home. My friend's adoption
with this attorney was declined by the courts, with, it is believed some
assistance from behind the scenes from his original agency.
I felt safe and
comfortable moving forward independent adoption with this attorney, as she
was also an adoptive mother and would be going through the adoption
process at the same time as I and another family would be doing in this
same region.
I very excitedly
planned my travel and to get my daughter at last, now 9 months after I set
out to adopt her!! I was sooo happy! I had been allowed to
communicate with her, I had "Dear Mama" letters from her.
In my heart she was truly my daughter.
My attorney flew
over a week ahead of myself and the other mother adopting at the same
time. When we arrived, anticipating to go to the Dept. of
Education,, we were told by our attorney that there was some bad news.
She would not be able to complete our adoption in that area, nor was she
willing to refund the bulk of our moneys. Even though, at this point
she had merely provided some lists of documents (which I already had from
the other 3 agencies) and some hand holding...some as attorney, some as a
pre-adoptive mother (peer).
She spoke Russian
and would send I love you messages to my daughter when she phoned her
daughter at that same orphanage. Oh, and she dd make my hotel
reservations in that region, and had my documents tanslated to Russian and
notarized there. For this she was willing to rturn only $1500-$2000
dollars. In addition to the original payment she
was keeping, she also demanded I pay half of her travel expenses, even
though she was doing nothing for me!!, so I was out another $614 dollars
:( Which essentially to me, meant that I was paying for her to come and
receive her referral for her daughter!)
She agreed to stay
through the process with us (both single moms) as she referred us to a
facilitator from that region that would walk us through the process there.
However, 3 days later when she received HER referral from the Dept. of
Education for her daughter, she returned home. Leaving me alone in
Russia with an unknown facilitator...that I was not prone to trust, at
this point!
When I did have
problems, I was unable to reach my "attorney" by phone.
(upon my arrival home, I received an email that she had attempted to reach
me in Russia. I found this odd, as she is able to speak Russian and
could have very simply left a message with the floor lady at the Hotel).
Still working to
adopt the first daughter, I had to pay $4000 to this new facilitator for
her process, and an additional $4000 for the second child (Still not
referred). Which I had to have sent by Western Union from USA. At
this point my losses were now: $13,114.00!
There were no younger children at the orphanage that my daughter (13) was
in. My attorney (keeping $8114.00) said that she would assist me in
finding a second child in a different region "for
Free"...because, she said, she "Felt sorry for me" !!
At the 11th hour, I
accepted a referral from the Dept. of Education, with the assistance of
this new facilitator, for a very cute, sweet and healthy 7 year old at an
orphanage in the same region, but 3.5 hours away. By this time, I had
spent a considerable amount of time with my "new"
facilitator. He was very honorable regarding his commitment to see
this
through in the time I had available on my visa. Even though in the
middle of all of this, his father died, and he and his brother (Director
of the first agency) decided to part ways upon the death of the father.
I found him to have
the interest of the children in mind, and to have a good heart.
Thankfully, he had a different sort of personality than his brother.
He knows the system in his area, but his goal is to get these children out
of the orphanages and into loving families. Especially the older
children. I would highly recommend him as a facilitator in his
region.
I would not
recommend any of the other agencies, nor my attorney. I will give
those who inquire the names of these agencies, upon completion of my
adoption. I will not name my attorney, until, we have negotiated an
"appropriate" return of funds, keeping only that which was for
the "minimal" services I received from her. Russia,
functions very differently than our government, and, until my daughters
are safe at home. I will not jeopardize the completion of my
adoption. As, I have found out, that much of this
adoption business and accomplishing things in each region of Russia, is
largely done "behind the scenes".
Melissa Whalen