How to Be a Popular Teacher

by John Schreiber

Do not try to be popular.
Do not let students know
or think
or even suspect
that you want to be popular.

Popular teachers would be happier
run over by an stampeding buffalo herd.
It would be a quicker death.

Rather--
Tell bad jokes.
Good jokes cause sustained laughter, thus disruptions.
Bad jokes bring groans.
Bad jokes divert complaints.

Every few weeks let them talk you into canceling an assignment.
Don't mention that you never meant to assign it.

Tell a class how much they have improved,
even if another class outscores them each week.

Let students know you hate the latest music,
even if you listen to it in the car every morning.
Your revulsion over their culture goes a long way in building rapport.
You now have something to argue about other than school work.

Praise them whenever they do something right.
Most kids never hear praise at home.

Praise them to their parents on conference nights,
even it takes Shakespearean creativity.
Most parents never hear praise at school, at home, or at work.

Remember, if you want to be popular, don't be a friend.
They have enough of those.
They want a teacher.

©1990 John Schreiber